So this year put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. I've learnt a lot about myself. Not all good things but I'm working on that.
I'm learning that no matter how much you think you know someone they can still surprise you. And some of the time it won't be in a good way.
I've learnt that I hate society and all that it dictates. Fuck your ideals of what I should or should not do. If I want to go out get drunk, get fucked and generally mess my life up that's my choice. And if I DON'T want a proper job, or to get married, squeeze a couple bastards out, get divorced by the age of 40, have a mid-life crisis where I become a biker-dyke and die young(ish) and alone, leaving a bunch of debt and a mortgage to the little brats who ruined my life, that's my choice too, and fuck anyone who tells me I SHOULD be doing otherwise. Who decided that shit anyway?
I've learnt that I really am shit at "relationships". Well, I knew that before, but I've figured I really do not want to devote myself to someone. EVER. It just doesn't work, it's not in me. I hate being caged in and I get crazy. Whatever happened to the days where we used to just have fun and it was OK?
I've learnt not to listen to other people because the majority of them are full of shit. Be it jealousy, spite, or just pure stupidity a lot of people will do what they can to drag you down. And I ain't letting no motherfuckers make a dick out of me.
I've learnt that I'm not as big and strong as I like to think I am, although I never admit it and probably won't do anything about it. So fuck it in the arse.
I've learnt that as much as I fight with my family, (and even though they seem to hate me right at this very minute and I'm not too fond of them either) that they're the only family I have - and even though it seems we can't live together anymore that they will always be there for me, what's left of my family anyways.
I've learnt that funerals are a good way for your living family members to get together and criticize everything about you, which this time round has been a blessing because I've realised while I AM still alive I don't want to end up like ANY of them, and now is the time for me to get off my arse and do something about it.
I've also learnt that if I need to change something about my life now is the time to act, and there ain't no-one out there who is going to be able to help me, because the change is something I need to do for myself, and it will help me grow into the person that I eventually hope to be.
So to the people this year who have let me down, judged me, told me that I can't do shit, FUCK YOU! And watch this space motherfucker.
And to the people who are still there, no matter how much I try to push them away, to my friends (what little there are left) - old friends and new one, thankyou. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me that you put up with my shit, my neuroses, my quirks. This is a new beginning for me.
And no I'm not in a shit mood, I'm just feeling blunt. No different from usual then eh?
2008 is going to be my year, ain't anyone going to stop me.
