I'm Gonna Let Bob Do This One For Me

Go 'way from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I'm not the one you need.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Never weak but always strong,
To protect you an' defend you
Whether you are right or wrong,
Someone to open each and every door,
But it ain't me, babe,No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I will only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who will promise never to part,
Someone to close his eyes for you,
Someone to close his heart,
Someone who will die for you an' more,
But it ain't me, babe,No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Go melt back into the night, babe,
Everything inside is made of stone.
There's nothing in here moving
An' anyway I'm not alone.
You say you're looking for someone
Who'll pick you up each time you fall,
To gather flowers constantly
An' to come each time you call,
A lover for your life an' nothing more,
But it ain't me, babe,No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

10/10/2007

Today I'm reminded of the phrase "When it rains, it pours".

Yesterday I returned from California, where I spent the happiest 90 days of my life. I caught up with old friends who I love very much, and I made new friends who I also love, and I hope it isn't too long before I see them again.

Now at home I feel lost. So much has happened in the course of two days. I left behind a boyfriend, and some of the best friends I will ever have. I found out that my Grandad died while I was away. I came home to a house where I feel like a guest as I don't even have a bed to sleep in, but a nice sofa. Alone. And some other things that I don't even want to put down on paper, because I fear my heart will break.

Now the only thing I have to look forward to is a funeral, looking for another dead-end job, and well.... that's all I've thought through for now.

Looks like I'm in the same mess I was three months ago, only this time I feel I've lost a lot more. Sometimes I really do wish the world would swallow me up.

06/10/2007

Yet another sleepless early morning. I've got my problems whittled down to the fact that I'm just neurotic - there can be no other solution. Another morning of waking up at 5.30, cold and alone, and realising that my prettier half has yet again opted for a night on the sofa with a film, instead of coming to sleep next to me. And because I'm insane, it bothered me.

Most of the time when I have what I call "Night Crazies" I do stupid things. I send text messages that I later regret, or an email, sometimes even a song. There are other kinds of crazies too. I get what Sugar and I refer to as "Girl Crazies". Most of the time we like to think that we're not like other girls, but every so often usually when there's a member of the opposite sex in mind, we get "Girl Crazy". I'm not usually jealous, or possessive, or any of the other traits that girls can have when they are in a relationship, but occasionally something will shift and the girl in me will take over.

When the "Girl" and the "Night" crazies are combined it's a lethal combination, and is probably what's fuelling this very blog. No doubt I'll look back in a couple days I'll look back at this and think to myself how stupid I sound, with my girly little problems. I just get the feeling that one day they won't be crazies any more, but they might become a permanent resident in my head.

And God help the man who just so happens to be in my line of vision at that time.