7 Things...

I was going to post this as a bulletin on MySpace, but I don't want loads of people who I don't give a fuck about reading this, and trying to work out who it is for and knowing my damn business. I know the important people will see that I've written something and will take about five minutes from their busy lives and will know which bit is for them

BODY:
Write 7 things to 7 different people. Keep it anonymous and be honest.

1. You are my best friend in the world. Ever. I know sometimes we clash, and I know sometimes we don't speak for what (to me anyway) feels like forever. And I know when we finally get all this shit out of the way and get ourselves sorted, that you are the only person who will have problems with what I do or say. And too fucking right. Because you are the one and only person whose opinion I really give a fuck about. You are my soul mate and I fucking love you. Now get your shit sorted so we can get the fuck out of here

2.You would be my best friend in the world ever. But you're too damn far away. And now it looks like it's going to be even longer until we are finally raising hell again together, and I don't blame you. It's been a tough time for the both of us, and we haven't been there for each other as much as we should have. And neither of us are to blame more than the other, because we're both too laid back for our own good. And I'm sorry if I give you shit all the time, when you're upset and miserable, but you really need to just snap out of it. I care too damn much about you to see you fuck another year up, so sort yourself out. Because I love you, and I don't want it to be yet ANOTHER year before we're back up to our old tricks again - and come and see me this summer damnit!!! It could be a while until we're together again

3. You are the biggest cunt ever. And I love you for it. And I can't wait until we get all our stuff sorted and can jam together properly, because it's going to get messy. Yes yes. But I'm really worried about you. The other day when we were out, you were so fucked, and I'm hoping this isn't a regular occurrence, because I hate to say it, you're starting to remind me of me when I was fucked up, and doing shit like that because I needed help. Just doing stupid stuff, for either attention, or for an escape. And I'm sorry but it's fucking stupid. I don't mind you doing this shit, but you really need to tone it down, it really isn't doing you any good, and I'm worried that one of us lot isn't going to be there and some bad shit is going to happen to you. Because trust me, talking from experience, there are dickheads out there who are going to take advantage of a girl in that state, and it's fucked up. You could end up in hospital, or even fucking worse. And I just don't even want to think about that. I hate to sound like an old nag, but I really do worry about you. Cunt!!

4. I haven't known you that long bitch, but from the time we spent together, I already feel like I know you so well. You're like the little sister I always dreamed I had (I know I've got one but she hates me). I know you've been through shit, - and I'm going to say it again, but I can see so much of myself in you it's fucking unreal. I just want you to know that I'm fucking there for you, and you can ring me anytime, anywhere, even if it's just for something stupid like to say hi or vent or whatever. Because we're going to fuck shit up. You're one of those people who you meet, and you instantly just get along with, and the stuff we write together I know is going to be fucking sick because we just think the same, which is why I trust my work in your sleazy little hands. Let's get fucking messy

5. I'm sorry. Sorry for having to leave you behind with all this shit. I want to be there for these important years. Because these years will be important and determine most of the years to come. But this is something I have to do for myself, because I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what I want to do or where I'm going, and I hope that you understand that. You're probably the least likely to read this, simply because I know you hate reading ha ha. But let me tell you this, I will always be at the other end of a phoneline if you need me. And if you want when the summer comes you can even fly out for a bit, and we'll jam together, or go surfing and shit. I hate leaving you behind, in fact you are the only person I will really miss, because you are absolutely wicked. It's been a tough year for both of us, and I know shit isn't that great right now. But you have to look after the others for me, because I don't even know what is going to happen this summer, if things go well I'm not going to be around much, I'll probably be travelling a hell of a lot. Maybe you can come with me ha ha

6. (This is for a group of people, but it's not cheating!!!) You are the best people in the world, that I could have possibly ever met. You make me laugh on a daily basis, whenever I'm down one of you always manages to pick me right up. Whether it's KK and his amazing chats. Or Papa Bear and his awesome hugs and random (often pornographic - which is GREAT!!!) drawings. Or Old Man Fewery and his grumpy rants or our talks about TV soaps. Or DW and his spastic dancing and superhero fixation. I could go on forever. Because you all mean so much to me, and I hate the fact that I'm leaving you behind, because you really have made this year bearable, and sometimes enjoyable ha ha. I'll send you a postcard maybe

7. Last and definately not least. In fact probably the most

You know who you are. And I'm going to spare all the mushy talk, because you know how I feel about you. I'm just going to post this and hope that you understand how I feel:

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now,
I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it,
Oh never break it'
Cause I can't take it...
Need a little patience
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you

I've probably said all of this before

I want to move to California
Don't get me wrong, I love London. I'm a London girl and I always will be. It runs in my veins and always will until the day I draw my last smoggy, polluted breath, but there's something about Califonria that makes me feel like I belong there.

I have a habit of losing track of time, even when I don't want to. It just has a habit of slipping away. If you asked me a question about what happened in the first sixteen years of my life I could tell you things like the carpet in the first house I lived in (black and white key tooth), or the perfume that my mother used to wear when I was born (Anais Anais), but other than those minuscule details, I got nothing. Everything just seems to slip through my fingers, if I try to make attempts to try to portray a certain scenario to someone, conversations disappear even as I'm talking. The images are still strong, and I do have some memories, but regretfully a lot of them I'd rather forget. Yet sometimes late at night when I finally get to rest instead of sleep I write, and it feels as if I’m writing about someone else. Which in a way I am. I'm not the gangly, lanky, seemingly two-dimensional girl I used to be. My hair seems to get shorter by the minute, I hate people touching my hair, but I get ever more daring with it as time goes. My tattoo and plans for more, I hope to become a colourful canvas. But it’s not the outside of this girl that is so much different. It’s the inside. Which is why I think it's time for a change of scenery

I don’t care for sleep all that much. Perhaps I'm scared I'll miss something, but ultimately it's in the wee small hours of the morning that I get all my best work done. My mind empties of all the trivial problems that seem to bother me when the sun is up. Sometimes after dark I can get a little edgy, and frankly I get crazy sometimes, and at these times it's advisable to switch my phone off, because I get a tendency to become brutally honest, and yet somewhat paranoid (that's years of drug abuse catching up with me). But I still maintain the saying I seem to repeat at least once every day: "I'll sleep when I'm dead". Every so often I'll burn the candle at both ends and I'll end up locked away from the outside world for a week or so, feeling a bit sorry for myself, but I love looking at the clock at 4 a.m. and knowing that the rest of the world is silent and still. And that whatever mischief I may be getting into, that the chances are no-one else is doing it.

Last November my girls and I went to California, and it was the best two weeks of my life (so far that is!), besides meeting so many amazing people and feeling so welcome in somewhere that is so different from where I was brought up. Just small things like walking down Sunset Boulevard at 3am after being accosted at a Concert and talking to random rockers in the street, going to a diner at 5am after a gig and getting some breakfast with one of the coolest, worldly-wise men I have met and him showing us how to tip our waitresses properly, or drinking tequila at 7am and watching four day Star Wars marathon, I know that California is the place for me.

A place where the lights never go out. How comforting is that to someone who doesn’t like to sleep?